Browse Professor Quotes

There's nothing better than photocopying fish.

—Judy Sue

Check out this icecream. We'll do strawberries next time.

—Gerry Immonen (showing the class a student's artwork)

You've infused mud with history!

—Gerry Immonen


You know what the french say? 'A kiss without a mustache is like soup without the salt'.

—Gerry Immonen

Row of boar tusks, row of boar tusks, everyone gets a row of boar tusks!

—Peter Nulton, commenting on a slide

 You really need to focus on the pubic hair. The totality of the figure relies upon how you draw the pubis...The crotch needs to be darker.

—Luis Alonso, speaking to a student during a long pose

....How do you draw Hope as a stick figure?

—Sandy Gourlay, British Literature, said while illustrating poetry on the chalkboard

I like a good crucifixion

—Gareth Jones, context???? but he was being sarcastic

Somebody get my gun

—Gareth Jones, when a student put up their replica Jeff Koons sculpture for crit

You can have fun when someone tickles you, but you can't say "That gives me JOY!!"

—Gareth Jones, on the difference between "fun" and "joy"

As much as i like the idea of necrophilia, in practice it leaves something to be desired.

—Mark Sherman, Medieval Literature

In my class, 'F' is always a four-letter word.

—Gareth Jones, to a freshman asking what Gareth means when he says their piece is "fun"

You can go eat your dinners, but then go right back to work. Thanksgiving... no thanks for me!

—Gareth Jones, to his freshman class the Monday before Thanksgiving

 Im going to violate it!!

—Alba Corrado, as she lifts students clay sculpture over a chunk of wire that she is going to stick through it

Why is there a bug circling me? I'm not dead yet!

—Leslie Hirst, annoyed by a fly buzzing around her

Ed: "The midterm is on Tuesday."

Student: "Can you make us a study guide?"

Ed: "Oh, a study guide! . . . I don't think so."

—Ed Dwyer, Art & Culture: Ancient Mesoamerica

Nobody should need to be liked - it's okay to want to be liked but people are going to dislike you for the wrong reasons. People will hate you because you are better than them.

—Gareth Jones, during a discussion regarding negative shape objects and fractals.

This mark is like a frickin' razor! BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!

—Norm Paris, on a student's straight mark-making

Art is not supposed to be fun. I don't ever want to hear that word in this class!

—Gareth Jones, after somebody said a classmate's moving paper sculpture was "fun"

Sometimes I feel like I have Asperger's..... And don't put that on the Jolt!

—Alba Corrado, when having trouble understanding what a student was saying

I want to hold your hand.

—Gareth Jones, on the tactility of a student's paper hand sculpture

 This is so bad it's almost terrifying.

—Tom Mills, re: a student's figure drawing

I have a method I like to call 'entering through the back door.'

—Amy Kravitz's conceptual process, Intermediate Animation

Welcome to unhappiness

—Gareth Jones, 1st day of 3D

Clearly you like the man on the top and the woman on the bottom <students laugh> in the TIMELINE. 

—Prof. Doug Scott, on a student's timeline which was folded so that an image of a man on the cover was looking at a woman's legs on the back cover.

 CONTOURS AREN'T WORTH SHIT!!!!!!!

—Nick Pallermo, getting worked up about figure drawing

 You know what this needs? George Bush Sr., in drag.

—Gerry Immonen, during 2D foundation critique

 i want you to let the silence make the whispers shout.

—Gerry Immonen, during 2D foundation critique

 "Has anyone seen my caliper?

—Alba Corrado, figure modeling marathon
There will always be a job for you, there has to be. Unless you're a druggie or you steal something and go to prison, and then I guess you can draw on the walls or something..I don't know!
—Dietmar Winkler; Visual Design Systems (answering a students question about artists jobs in the real world)
Why is my brain never intact?
—David Warner, in the middle of a High Middle Ages class.
Oh boy. You're the cheerleader of the class.
—Chris Buzelli, to an illustration student trying to use a common color technique incorrectly.
I make these sculptures...and I hold them...and they speak to me-not like, go kill the cat-more like, I need more paint.
—Anthony Janello, 2nd semester sophomore drawing, Illustation Department
And of course, if you've been smoking marijuana, this poster really comes alive!
—Doug Scott, on the legibility of pyschedelic posters
I have friends who are puppet people...they're not actually puppets
—Doug Scott
You Bastards!
—Tom L. Mills
This is foreplay.. (as he slaps a student's arm) but this is sex!! (as he caresses the students arm)
—Tom L. Mills
T-Rex's closest relative is a chicken. Nature is not kind
—Stephen Ott (intro to philosophy
when discussing the character of Lancelot in a poem:
think Ron Jeremy, but with 2 swords.`
—Sandy Gourlay, British Literature
god is not like a round square but more like a unicorn
—Stephen Ott (intro to philosophy)
Yes... I spend hours in front of the mirror trying to look like a professor, and it just doesn't work.
—Bill Hall, Illustration II
Most pastoral elegies are about a lover who's died, or abandoned you, or both... If they die and DON'T abandon you, you got nothing but trouble.
—Sandy Gourlay, Blake & Hogarth
Student: This type is too big for my logo. Mark: That type is too big for good.
—Mark Laughlin
If that type fell on me it'd kill me!
—Mark Laughlin
Numbers will break your heart. They're hard.
—Cyrus Highsmith, Type Design
It's a fucking weird building... but I like it.
—Philip Ryan, looking at images of a Herzog & DeMeuron library
Sometimes what you need is a big head on a stick to scare you into getting things done.
—Jan Fairbairn, Degree Project
It looks like poo.
—Alan Michelson, 2D Foundation
It's...I just can't describe it in a way that's not illegal.
—Carl Fasano, 2-D Design, describing the feeling of floating in an isolation tank
Mark: What could we do to make this composition more interesting?
Student: Shove it on a corner?
Mark: Yeah! Shove it in a corner, and put a hat on it!
—Mark Laughlin
Spend a little time with it, get to know your palette...
—Jonh Beerman, Two Dimensional Design
Student: I wanted to draw a fat woman, naked, sitting on a bed in a tiny room.
Trent: Well, I think that's something we can all relate to.
—Trent Burleson, Drawing II
I rue that.
—Trent Burleson, Drawing II
So there's this big ol' virgin-pearl to show you that this virgin is a virginal virgin, extra-virgin.
—Sandy Gourlay, Blake & Hogarth, on a marriage portrait
Milloff Rule 419-B: The longer you've been working on something, the more likely your neighbor is to knock over their water container. You must never mix this up with rule 419-A.
Student: What's 419-A?
Milloff: Don't use mayonnaise on a pastrami sandwich.
—Mark Milloff, 2D Design
Email me and I will respond to you immediately...unless I'm sick...which doesn't happen very often because I take vitamins.
—Doug Scott
Hello Kitty is the best logo in the modern world.
—Doug Scott, Exhibit Design, on rating globally recognized logos
Interesting...but somehow wrong.
—Mark Laughlin
There's a little hum coming out of this thing...if you listen closely...you'll go insane
—Dan Cavicchi explaining the difference in noise between today and the 19th century.
I would believe in God if Cary Grant were really an angel
—Gloria-Jean Masciarotte, After Hollywood: Cinema of the 70's, discussing "The Bishop's Wife"
Anybody? ...Anybody not raised by wolves? ...I was raised by wolves. And I guess you were all raised by wolves, too. Woof!
—Prof. Gourlay, Blake & Hogarth, trying to get students to answer a question
Every once in a while, I get too much blood in my caffeine system, and that's not good.
—Prof. Nulton, Egypt & the Aegean, explaining why he was drinking Mountain Dew
The Rapa Nui people of Easter Island put all their eggs in the giant sculpture basket.
—Peter Nulton, Egypt & the Aegean, describing the problem of civilizations being too specialized.
Die, motherfucker!!
—Jackie Saccoccio, after a student commented that in another's piece it looked like an easel was impaling the model.
'Last night I went to bed and woke up with a pencil still behind my ear!'
—Doug Borkman, Sculpture Wood and Metal Shop Class
We have bad teeth, you have fat people.
—Garreth Jones, 3-D freshmen foundation, on the differences between the English and Americans
I have got to stop fucking swearing, shit fuck dammit
—Melissa Ferreira, Illustration I
No, you can hear the rainbow
—Dan Cavicchi about a soundscape recording
The only difference between these two (linotype machine and macbook pro) is one leads to information and one leads to porn
—Hans va Djik
Have you ever seen a couple break up in a restaurant? It's my favorite thing.
—Oren Sherman, Illustration I
If you don't have a screwdriver, you're not prepared for life. Life without a screwdriver is just not a viable existance.
—Alba Corrado, 3D Foundation
Is there a reason for civilization? I don't think there's a 'reason' for Paris Hilton!
—Gloria-Jean Masciarotte, Politics and Film
mmm...How now brown cow? said to himself, while walking among working students...
—Jonathan Bonner, 3d foundation
I really hope you guys can stay awake for the artist presentation. I don't care what you do -- take some speed -- just stay awake.
—Daniel Michalik.
You guys want some barbecue?!
—Professor Todd Moore, imitating the man from the chainsaw massacre in reference to someones work in a crit.
I like it. It looks like a 50's ranch house.
—Mark Laughlin about a type composition
I couldn't get ahold of the tune, and I don't dare hum it because...you'd stone me to death.
—Scott Cook, Modern Britain
If ever anyone told me a that problem was an opportunity - I would have kicked him in the face.
—Scott Cook, Modern Britain
If you're going to see boobs, you're going to see boobs, and that's all there is to it.
—Professor Oren Sherman, Sophomore Illustration
Phthalo blue is like your obnoxious uncle at Thanksgiving.
—Bill Miller, Color theory for sophomore painters
You're going to get to a point with your painting where the canvas will look at you and go, you suck. You should have been an accountant!
—Bill Miller, Color theory for sophomore painting
Al DeCredico, asking the class: Do you know Karim Rashid?

Student: Yah...

Al: I think he's an asshole.
—Al DeCredico, Foundation Drawing: during crit time.
Just as a consolation, you all suck at this.
—Lenny long, Drawing 1 during figure drawing.
If you were to get run over by a garbage truck, it would not do anything for your complexion.
—Professor Gourlay discussing Shakespeare's Sonnet #18.
I AM GOING TO SHAKE YOU. And if this makes it onto the Jolt, I know who to blame.
—Professor Sherman, Illustration I
(whispering) ...buy the fucking plum...
—Melissa Ferreira, Illustration I, on the importance of observational reference
Adi:I don't want to take time and come here if no one is going to be here with work. I have a life

Student: So do we!

Adi: Yes, you do. This is your life.
—Adi Toledano, Design Principals (ARCH):Discussing when he can come in on the weekend to meet with students.
On Unitarian beliefs: His name was Jesus, yes, but not Christ, because Christ suggests a relationship to God. Jesus was just a man - a good man, a nice bloke. Good with sheep.
—Scott Cook, Modern Britain.
That shape there...looks like a....lozenge! A lozenge on a tongue! Hey! Wouldn't that be a great idea for a project?! To paint lozenges on tongues?!
—Gerry Immonen, 2-D design
Today, people say that love is something that is good for your health. I say, ohh well so is Cranberry Juice.
—Gloria-Jean Masciarotte-Hitchcock: The Definition of Cinema
Shiite
—Merlin over a broken peice of glass
We should leave before everyone starts gettin' down.
—Nade Haley, 3D Design
tits, asses, kids fucking their brains out...
semi-erect penis...
there's a tough dyke
—Deb Bright, History of Photo 2
...you know fist fucking and golden showers.
—Deb Bright's lecture which included a segment about Mapplethorpein Histories of Photo II class
And 1988 was almost 20 years ago, which means that Michael Jackson has been a freak for DECADES.
—Julia Bryan-Wilson, 20th Century Art History, while lecturing on a Jeff Koons statue of Michael Jackson
Everybody put on two hats and let's get busy!
—Tom Mills
You know. . .you don't have to have everything contained in the moose.

—Nicole Curran GD critique
I've never heard as much profanity as there is in Ireland. 'Fuck' is just... salt. They just throw it into the conversation.
—Jonathan Highfield, Irish Literature
If you went to heaven and you saw a shoe, it would be like...glowing...
—John Beerman, 2D Design, Foundation
(to student) Your dad has a punk band? ...That's embarrassing... I'll call him up- 'A punk band? A man at you're age?!
—David Porter, Illustration 2

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