Browse Professor Quotes

Clearly you like the man on the top and the woman on the bottom <students laugh> in the TIMELINE. 

—Prof. Doug Scott, on a student's timeline which was folded so that an image of a man on the cover was looking at a woman's legs on the back cover.

 CONTOURS AREN'T WORTH SHIT!!!!!!!

—Nick Pallermo, getting worked up about figure drawing

 You know what this needs? George Bush Sr., in drag.

—Gerry Immonen, during 2D foundation critique

 i want you to let the silence make the whispers shout.

—Gerry Immonen, during 2D foundation critique

 "Has anyone seen my caliper?

—Alba Corrado, figure modeling marathon
There will always be a job for you, there has to be. Unless you're a druggie or you steal something and go to prison, and then I guess you can draw on the walls or something..I don't know!
—Dietmar Winkler; Visual Design Systems (answering a students question about artists jobs in the real world)
Why is my brain never intact?
—David Warner, in the middle of a High Middle Ages class.
Oh boy. You're the cheerleader of the class.
—Chris Buzelli, to an illustration student trying to use a common color technique incorrectly.
I make these sculptures...and I hold them...and they speak to me-not like, go kill the cat-more like, I need more paint.
—Anthony Janello, 2nd semester sophomore drawing, Illustation Department
And of course, if you've been smoking marijuana, this poster really comes alive!
—Doug Scott, on the legibility of pyschedelic posters
I have friends who are puppet people...they're not actually puppets
—Doug Scott
You Bastards!
—Tom L. Mills
This is foreplay.. (as he slaps a student's arm) but this is sex!! (as he caresses the students arm)
—Tom L. Mills
T-Rex's closest relative is a chicken. Nature is not kind
—Stephen Ott (intro to philosophy
when discussing the character of Lancelot in a poem:
think Ron Jeremy, but with 2 swords.`
—Sandy Gourlay, British Literature
god is not like a round square but more like a unicorn
—Stephen Ott (intro to philosophy)
Yes... I spend hours in front of the mirror trying to look like a professor, and it just doesn't work.
—Bill Hall, Illustration II
Most pastoral elegies are about a lover who's died, or abandoned you, or both... If they die and DON'T abandon you, you got nothing but trouble.
—Sandy Gourlay, Blake & Hogarth
Student: This type is too big for my logo. Mark: That type is too big for good.
—Mark Laughlin
If that type fell on me it'd kill me!
—Mark Laughlin
Numbers will break your heart. They're hard.
—Cyrus Highsmith, Type Design
It's a fucking weird building... but I like it.
—Philip Ryan, looking at images of a Herzog & DeMeuron library
Sometimes what you need is a big head on a stick to scare you into getting things done.
—Jan Fairbairn, Degree Project
It looks like poo.
—Alan Michelson, 2D Foundation
It's...I just can't describe it in a way that's not illegal.
—Carl Fasano, 2-D Design, describing the feeling of floating in an isolation tank
Mark: What could we do to make this composition more interesting?
Student: Shove it on a corner?
Mark: Yeah! Shove it in a corner, and put a hat on it!
—Mark Laughlin
Spend a little time with it, get to know your palette...
—Jonh Beerman, Two Dimensional Design
Student: I wanted to draw a fat woman, naked, sitting on a bed in a tiny room.
Trent: Well, I think that's something we can all relate to.
—Trent Burleson, Drawing II
I rue that.
—Trent Burleson, Drawing II
So there's this big ol' virgin-pearl to show you that this virgin is a virginal virgin, extra-virgin.
—Sandy Gourlay, Blake & Hogarth, on a marriage portrait
Milloff Rule 419-B: The longer you've been working on something, the more likely your neighbor is to knock over their water container. You must never mix this up with rule 419-A.
Student: What's 419-A?
Milloff: Don't use mayonnaise on a pastrami sandwich.
—Mark Milloff, 2D Design
Email me and I will respond to you immediately...unless I'm sick...which doesn't happen very often because I take vitamins.
—Doug Scott
Interesting...but somehow wrong.
—Mark Laughlin
Hello Kitty is the best logo in the modern world.
—Doug Scott, Exhibit Design, on rating globally recognized logos
There's a little hum coming out of this thing...if you listen closely...you'll go insane
—Dan Cavicchi explaining the difference in noise between today and the 19th century.
I would believe in God if Cary Grant were really an angel
—Gloria-Jean Masciarotte, After Hollywood: Cinema of the 70's, discussing "The Bishop's Wife"
Anybody? ...Anybody not raised by wolves? ...I was raised by wolves. And I guess you were all raised by wolves, too. Woof!
—Prof. Gourlay, Blake & Hogarth, trying to get students to answer a question
Every once in a while, I get too much blood in my caffeine system, and that's not good.
—Prof. Nulton, Egypt & the Aegean, explaining why he was drinking Mountain Dew
The Rapa Nui people of Easter Island put all their eggs in the giant sculpture basket.
—Peter Nulton, Egypt & the Aegean, describing the problem of civilizations being too specialized.
Die, motherfucker!!
—Jackie Saccoccio, after a student commented that in another's piece it looked like an easel was impaling the model.
'Last night I went to bed and woke up with a pencil still behind my ear!'
—Doug Borkman, Sculpture Wood and Metal Shop Class
We have bad teeth, you have fat people.
—Garreth Jones, 3-D freshmen foundation, on the differences between the English and Americans
I have got to stop fucking swearing, shit fuck dammit
—Melissa Ferreira, Illustration I
No, you can hear the rainbow
—Dan Cavicchi about a soundscape recording
The only difference between these two (linotype machine and macbook pro) is one leads to information and one leads to porn
—Hans va Djik
Have you ever seen a couple break up in a restaurant? It's my favorite thing.
—Oren Sherman, Illustration I
If you don't have a screwdriver, you're not prepared for life. Life without a screwdriver is just not a viable existance.
—Alba Corrado, 3D Foundation
Is there a reason for civilization? I don't think there's a 'reason' for Paris Hilton!
—Gloria-Jean Masciarotte, Politics and Film
mmm...How now brown cow? said to himself, while walking among working students...
—Jonathan Bonner, 3d foundation
I really hope you guys can stay awake for the artist presentation. I don't care what you do -- take some speed -- just stay awake.
—Daniel Michalik.
You guys want some barbecue?!
—Professor Todd Moore, imitating the man from the chainsaw massacre in reference to someones work in a crit.
I like it. It looks like a 50's ranch house.
—Mark Laughlin about a type composition
I couldn't get ahold of the tune, and I don't dare hum it because...you'd stone me to death.
—Scott Cook, Modern Britain
If ever anyone told me a that problem was an opportunity - I would have kicked him in the face.
—Scott Cook, Modern Britain
If you're going to see boobs, you're going to see boobs, and that's all there is to it.
—Professor Oren Sherman, Sophomore Illustration
Phthalo blue is like your obnoxious uncle at Thanksgiving.
—Bill Miller, Color theory for sophomore painters
You're going to get to a point with your painting where the canvas will look at you and go, you suck. You should have been an accountant!
—Bill Miller, Color theory for sophomore painting
Al DeCredico, asking the class: Do you know Karim Rashid?

Student: Yah...

Al: I think he's an asshole.
—Al DeCredico, Foundation Drawing: during crit time.
Just as a consolation, you all suck at this.
—Lenny long, Drawing 1 during figure drawing.
If you were to get run over by a garbage truck, it would not do anything for your complexion.
—Professor Gourlay discussing Shakespeare's Sonnet #18.
I AM GOING TO SHAKE YOU. And if this makes it onto the Jolt, I know who to blame.
—Professor Sherman, Illustration I
(whispering) ...buy the fucking plum...
—Melissa Ferreira, Illustration I, on the importance of observational reference
Adi:I don't want to take time and come here if no one is going to be here with work. I have a life

Student: So do we!

Adi: Yes, you do. This is your life.
—Adi Toledano, Design Principals (ARCH):Discussing when he can come in on the weekend to meet with students.
On Unitarian beliefs: His name was Jesus, yes, but not Christ, because Christ suggests a relationship to God. Jesus was just a man - a good man, a nice bloke. Good with sheep.
—Scott Cook, Modern Britain.
That shape there...looks like a....lozenge! A lozenge on a tongue! Hey! Wouldn't that be a great idea for a project?! To paint lozenges on tongues?!
—Gerry Immonen, 2-D design
Today, people say that love is something that is good for your health. I say, ohh well so is Cranberry Juice.
—Gloria-Jean Masciarotte-Hitchcock: The Definition of Cinema
Shiite
—Merlin over a broken peice of glass
We should leave before everyone starts gettin' down.
—Nade Haley, 3D Design
tits, asses, kids fucking their brains out...
semi-erect penis...
there's a tough dyke
—Deb Bright, History of Photo 2
...you know fist fucking and golden showers.
—Deb Bright's lecture which included a segment about Mapplethorpein Histories of Photo II class
And 1988 was almost 20 years ago, which means that Michael Jackson has been a freak for DECADES.
—Julia Bryan-Wilson, 20th Century Art History, while lecturing on a Jeff Koons statue of Michael Jackson
Everybody put on two hats and let's get busy!
—Tom Mills
You know. . .you don't have to have everything contained in the moose.

—Nicole Curran GD critique
I've never heard as much profanity as there is in Ireland. 'Fuck' is just... salt. They just throw it into the conversation.
—Jonathan Highfield, Irish Literature
If you went to heaven and you saw a shoe, it would be like...glowing...
—John Beerman, 2D Design, Foundation
(to student) Your dad has a punk band? ...That's embarrassing... I'll call him up- 'A punk band? A man at you're age?!
—David Porter, Illustration 2
student: I didn't know what it was, and I-
Porter: HEY- ignorance is NOT something to boast about.
student: ...it's not ignorance... it's a different way to see it.
Porter: Right... 2 plus 2 is 5!- It's just a way of looking at it!
—David Porter, Illustration 2
Student: I think I misunderstood the assignment.
Porter: You thought the assignment was ... draw people in drag?
—David Porter, Illustration 2
Student: I wanted to make something that makes no sense, and people are like, 'what the fuck is going on'- so in my mind, I've won!
Porter: Yeah, you've won... just like how a person who wants to commit suicide wins. You jump off a building, you land. Conratulations. (a few seconds later) Console yourself with that.
—David Porter, Illustration 2
So they're like Hey, Julius Caesar, have a rug!, and they unroll it, and there's a Cleopatra inside!
—P. Nulton, Greek & Roman Art History
Miasma was like the Ancient Greek equivalent of cooties.
—P. Nulton, Greek & Roman Art History
It's like a monkey in a fur coat...it's still a monkey.

—Professor Bob O'Neal
I told them to think about making two cards: the party card and the business card. Two different personalities.

Like a mullet...
—Mark Laughlin/John Kane, Typography 2
How does everyone feel right now? Either you're like, SCORE! or you're like... FUCK.
—Professor Julia Brian-Wilson, 20th Century Art History, immediately after giving a pop quiz.
Buffolo Bill should be shot. I remember I went to Wyoming to the Buffalo Bill Museum. I walked in and took a look around and said, Buffolo Bill sucks.
—Leroy White
Now people, all these things around the instalation; either move them away or install them.
—Utze on his theory of instalations.
I'm a Stud.
—Professor David Tidwell, Wood and Steel
Can I sniff this and get high?
—Jack Massey, upon being introduced to a Chartpak blender marker for the first time
I would have been on that like the Colonel after a chicken.
—Gareth Jones, explaining to a pair of students the importance of expanding and examining previous ideas.
I'd call it design for the landfill. You get a brief little orgasm but its nothing you want a long term commitment with.
—Merlin, 3D design
The Whiteheads are my homies!
—Professor Emlen, Arts & Crafts Movement in America
Student: It's like Godzilla!
Gareth: What a GODawful movie!
Student: But I like Godzilla....
Gareth: Well, I suppose everyone's entitled to enjoy a piece of crap every now and then.
—Prof. Gareth Jones
This is just so RISD. You have no idea. ---after the lights wont go off, the windows wont shut, and the projector is on the fritz.
—Prof. Christopher K. Ho, Manet
The more precise you get, the less useful a hammer is.
—Dean Robinson, Metals II
My family, when we come from Poland, we began to get 'michelins'.
—Krysztof Lenk, Magazine Design, in reference to weight gain when coming to America.
We're gonna read some dry books. But the books are just books, the dryness is in you.
—Daniel Cavicchi
Is art separate from life? If you see a body strewn accross the highway, do you think, 'Mmm, I would have placed that body further to the left.'?
—Gareth Jones (contemplating the separation of life from art)
So we'll have our final crit, and then you'll leave and I'll drink a LOT and do your grades.
—Judy Maloney, Freshman foundation 2-D Design
If you [make art that has no meaning/you do not know what it means] I'll kill you. No not you personally, the whole class: I'll kill you.
—Merlin Szosz
I don't see why people say that when you lose vision in one eye you lose depth perception. Look. I'm covering one eye. You all didn't turn into cartoon characters.
—Gareth Jones during a seminar on space and shape

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